Gleneagles Goes Bananas
The luxury golf resort north of Edinburgh, Gleneagles, all set
to host this years G8 summit in July is to get new tropical
gardens for the event. The curators of the resort claim that with
global warming and record high CO2 levels in the atmosphere, it
is hoped that the new projected temperature increases can be used
to grow tropical species in Perthshire.
Initially the gardens will need heating, but experts say that in
twenty years this area will be able to support tropical plants for
the first time in 30,000 years. But dont expect the new gardens
will be there forever because its also estimated that the
gulf stream will have stopped by 2050, plunging the luxury golf
resort into permanent arctic conditions by which time Gleneagles
will have shifted its focus from golf to skiing. Zoologists
say that in July during the G8 summit Gleneagles will be swarming
with parrots and monkeys.
Bull In A China Shop
One country left out at the G8 party but not for too much
longer - is China. For a long time the Chinese government have not
been interested in joining the G8 because it was seen as too
liberal and wishy-washy to work with but recently they
are saying that the new draconian laws which have come to G8 countries
since 9/11 are making them almost totalitarian enough for China
to see eye-to-eye with.
The Chinese development minister is quoted as saying: these
days every country has got skeletons in the closet and dissidents
incarcerated and so we start to look quite moderate. Im
sure we can agree with countries like Britain or the US on the need
to keep a tight rein on politically active citizens who try to take
things into their own hands. Speculation that there could
be a G8 summit and other big business gatherings in China sometime
soon has given the five-star hotel resort market in China a big
shot in the arm.
Were All Going On A Summit Holiday
At this years G8 summit in Gleneagles security chiefs are
trying a novel idea. To make sure theres not another protest
like Genoa in 2001, when police shot a demonstrator, £20 million
is to be spent putting on free charter flights for protesters during
the summit, leaving from Gleneagles Air Strip to faraway exotic
The existing security budget is already £150 million so its
figured that the extra money will be a small price to pay to give
the protesters a nice holiday and keep them away so the summit can
go on. Its still to be decided where the destinations for
the protesters will be but the likely targets could be barmy Burma,
sunny Western Sahara or hairy Azerbaijan but wherever they
go they will be allowed to continue their protests and take on the
local paramilitary force. SchNEWS warns all protesters taking up
the offer check the tickets dont say Guantanamo
CRAP ARREST OF THE WEEK
For going bang!
Two teenagers were arrested for threatening behaviour when the Queen
visited Wakefield last week. The pair burst balloons as the royals
arrived in the city. Apparently the Queen was unaware of the incident
- and even if she was, as shes regularly in the countryside
shooting small defenceless animals with high powered shotguns, SchNEWS
is sure a couple of popping balloons wouldnt frighten her
SCHNEWS AT TEN
months of corporate screenings and focus-grouping the long
awaited SchNEWS at Ten movie has finally landed (with a squelch)!
75 minutes of Anarchistic direct action reporting, in full
glorious techno-colour. Complete with realistic
wobbly camerawork from a decades worth of momentous
protest events (and police protester-abuse) from around the
world: London, Seattle, Genoa, Prague and Worthing (!)
If you read SchNEWS you'll want to see this film and if you
buy it it'll help us to afford to continue producing SchNEWS.
If youre a hardened protestor relive the last decade
and if youre a new or casual reader why not catch up
on some history and find out why we can be bothered to write
the SchNEWS every week.
View the trailer here
now or buy direct from www.cultureshop.org
An incredible film - SchNEWS
Ive never even heard of SchNEWS
A tour de force - M.Howard
Ah the beauty of British law
if someone proposes a major public
works project which might affect the environment and peoples
quality of life, the project can be examined by a Public Inquiry.
A combination of the judiciary and experts are drafted in to carefully
weigh up all the evidence and ascertain whether the project is necessary
and really does bring public benefits
if they support the enterprise
all well and good you can use it to weaken any opposition
to the scheme - and if they dont
well you can always
just ignore their findings.
Consider, for example, the largest urban road building scheme in
the country: the M74 extension. The Scottish Executives plan
to build 6 miles of elevated motorway right across Glasgow at a
cost of £250m was challenged by a range of groups (now formulated
into JAM74 Joint Action against the M74) aware that new roads
rarely reduce congestion, have negative environmental effects and
bring few benefits for locals. In fact, the main beneficiaries are
usually the building contractors, whose eyes light up like fruit
machines at the prospect of so much easy cash, and of course their
mates the local government officials, who certainly dont need
bribing to hand out the contracts and almost never have any financial
interests in the building firms themselves.
In light of the growing opposition, the matter was referred to
Public Inquiry in 2003. Despite seeming less than independent
all personnel were selected by the McGovernment they reported
their findings in March 2004 and overwhelmingly came out against
the scheme. Now, in March 2005, the Scottish Executive has announced
their intention to press on and build the unwanted road for, er
A triumph for democracy and a bargain to boot! Thats not to
say this is the final bill the Glasgow Herald recently reported
it may cost up to £1 billion
Millennium Dome anyone?
Dave Spaven of TRANSform Scotland (a campaign for sustainable transport,
part of the JAM74 coalition) said, The Executives decision
to press ahead
despite the specific recommendation of the Inquiry
is a scandal. Will Jess, Chair of JAM74 adds,
The Executive and the City Council have condemned Glaswegians
to a legacy of air pollution and chromium contamination. JAM74 is
not going away, hundreds of objectors to this road have signed our
beat the bulldozer pledges and we will challenge this
decision in the courts. If that doesnt work, it seems
to SchNEWS that (direct) actions will have to speak louder than
* Next JAM74 meeting is 5 April, 7:30pm, Govanhill Community Centre,
Daisy St, Glasgow. www.jam74.org
* In an effort to bury bad news at Easter when we were all too
busy stuffing our faces with chocolate, the Department for Transport
announced that twelve new roads are to be added to the roads
programme. Totalling £1.38 billion it includes the M1 widening
from Chesterfield to Leeds, and the M62 from Huddersfield to Leeds.
This is despite the Highways Agency being asked to look at traffic
management for these schemes. Also the A11 in Attleborough,
Norfolk (a widening of a failed bypass) was given the go-ahead.
Recently published, but buried, figures on the DfT website show
that to produce their 30 year plan, they made the assumption that
by 2025 traffic would grow by 40%, over 4000 kms of trunk roads
would be built, and that the cost of motoring would fall... business
as usual then.
Road Block 01803 847649 www.roadblock.org.uk
SchNEWS in brief
- Meeting against ID Cards in London this Sunday (3rd)
2pm at Bankside House directly behind Tate Modern 0795 123 7015
- Wanna be a clown? The Clandestine Insurgent Rebel Clown
Army are in training for the G8 protests every Monday evening
for 6 weeks, beginning next Monday 4th April. Pie throwing will
commence at the Ramparts Social Centre, 17 Rampart street E1 2LA
(Aldgate East/Whitechapel tube) 7-9pm www.clownarmy.org
- Art imitating life? As part of the pre-election Bob Dodds
satirical party at Brightons Concorde II next Wednesday
(6th), check out One for Sorrow a black comedy
about a local recycling company being shafted by a huge incinerator
corporation. Which sounds er, amazingly like Brighton firm Magpie
being shafted by the Council planned incinerator at Newhaven
only with more jokes!
- New regulations concerning the addition of fluoride to water
come into effect today. They protect water companies against
civil and criminal liability and outline (non) consultations that
have to be held before ordering our water to be poisoned. In fluoridated
areas people are already withholding bill payments and water companies
are not suing them as they are desperate to keep the whole
issue hushed. www.fluoridealert.org
- Next Weds (6th) Theres a Peanuts4benefits Campaign
day of action outside Job Centres across the country www.peanuts4benefits.co.uk
- Pumping Poverty is a new report looking into
British overseas aid that funds oil development. And guess who
benefits? Yep, the wealthiest corporations. Read it in full www.planb.org
- Indias TUC have called a 3-day general strike across
the country. Since Wednesday only State owned business has remained
open. See http://india.indymedia.org
- The campaign against the planned fourth runway at Gatwick is
set to receive a Scandinavian boost. Rekjavik Earth First,
satisfied that everything in their country is ecologically A-OK
is planning a sortie to the UK. Ølaf Øzønføkkersøn
spokesviking for the group told Schnews Were looking
forward to showing you English how its done - climate change
is the biggest threat facing the planet today and were inviting
groups to join us when we arrive at Heathrow next week.
Contact Thompson Holidays for more details.
Zines are the ultimate in DIY self-made, independent publications
covering everything from the personal to band interviews, ones full
of poetry or your favourite footy team. If you love em then
get along to the first ever London Zine Symposium on April 16th
where there will be stalls, films, exhibitions and workshops on
the zine tricks of the trade like DIY distribution, web design,
t-shirt customizing, tricks and scams. Its at 76 Gower Street,
London (Goodge St tube) 2-8 pm and is free entry. www.londonzinesymposium.org.uk
The Future's Orange
Its been a bad month for the Vietnamese. Well its been a
bad three decades since their friendly visits from Uncle Sam,
but hey. In early March a US judge threw out a case against a number
of chemical manufacturers (including Monsanto and Dow Chemicals)
brought by VAVA, an international campaign to gain justice and compensation
for Agent Orange victims, the judge saying There is no basis
for any of the claims of the plaintiffs under the domestic law of
any nation or state or under any form of international law.
Well, thats all right then.
The US government has consistently refused any moral or legal responsibility
for the dumping of millions of gallons of highly poisonous dioxin-based
Agent Orange on Vietnam between 1962 and 1971, although this itself
was against international law the Geneva Convention
1925 ban on chemical weapons.
Ever growing evidence is pointing at the huge dioxin-related health
problems emerging from the country up to a million people
with serious health problems (Hodgkins Disease, Multiple
Myleoma, Respiratory Cancers, Prostate Cancer, Spina Bifida,
Diabetes, Chronic and Lymphocytic Leukemia are just some of
the conditions associated with Agent Orange - on the Amercian Veterans
own website). This figure includes 150,000 children born with major
birth defects, and levels of bloodstream toxicity measured at 200
times the recommended safe levels. The US has stuck
to its theres no evidence defense and refused
all claims for compensation. In 2003, Bill Clinton belatedly agreed
to fund some scientific research into the issue which a few
weeks ago was cancelled. So, Uncle Sam, as ever, says to anyone
on the receiving end of their crimes against humanity - Screw
Sign the Justice for Victims of Agent Orange petition
For more background info: http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/health/227467.stm
In possibly the least covert action in Animal Liberation history,
a conjurors rabbit was pinched in the middle of his act. One
lucky bunny this Easter was Georgina, freed from a life of bright
lights, confined spaces and a buffoon pulling handkerchiefs out
of his nose.
The Great Velcro- Mr Lynn Thomas - was said to have
come unstuck at the news that Hey, Presto!
Georgina had permanently disappeared.
Lynn, 61, a royalist sycophant who has performed for the Queen
Mum (before she died presumably) said: I was in the middle
of my act when I saw this shadow out the corner of my eye fumbling
with my top hat, then someone from the audience came up to me and
said Was that man supposed to run off with your rabbit?
To make a rabbit disappear is old hat, but both hat and rabbit
- Now thats magic!
The cunningly disguised dreadlocked thief disappeared into the
night with a cry of Youll like this, but not a lot
The Great Velcro was understandably sad with this loss
of, what was apparently, his fourth rabbit. SchNEWS would like to
know if anyone knows what became of any of his previous rabbits
- to misquote Oscar Wilde: To lose one rabbit might be a misfortune,
but to lose four sounds like a conspiracy.
According to an anonymous postcard received by SchNEWS, Georgina
is planning a permanent retirement from show business.
Miss SchMONEY PENNY
|We need a few more of you to make standing
orders to your favourite weekly direct action newssheet. Its
all bills, bills, bills. Even if its just £1 a month,
it all helps (and seeing as weve got 60,000 readers, if
you all did we could write SchNEWS from a tropical island) www.schnews.org.uk/extras/help.htm
GREAT JOB OPPORTUNITY
|We need one kind and reliable
bod who can get up on a Friday morning (and we mean morning!)
to print SchNEWS every week at the Resource Centre. It only
takes an hour an a bit each week. If you live in the area and
up for it please get in touch with SchNEWS Towers.
SchNEWS warns all readers weve always got a trick up our
sleeve , dont pull our punches an, well yer just
gotta take yer hat off to us for such magical puns! Honest.
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