AND FINALLY

Not content with brushing the western world off over its covert nuclear programme, or savagely cutting off all internal dissent with a vicious crackdown, the Iranian government has also found time for an attack on the real threat to domestic harmony - decadent western hair styles. Police have been combing the streets looking for Iranian barbers offering western styles and some have been raided and shut down.

In an effort to stiffen national morale against immoral backsliding (or back-combing for that matter), the state have issued a fatwa against mullets, pompadours, mohicans, rats-tails and ponytails.

Cuts that make the grade are mostly variations on a ‘short back and sides’ theme, as a set of official state-approved hair styles demonstrated at the “Modesty and Veil” Festival. If you wanna live on the edge then both eighties flicks and goatees have inexplicably avoided the chop. Anyone seen sportin’ a do falling outside the narrow range on offer will be liable to arrest. Iran really are head’n’shoulders above the rest.

SchNEWS is now pondering proposing a similar law to Brighton Council...